Dear Georgia Weather,
I think it goes without saying that your actions over the course of the last several months have been entirely uncalled for. In fact, you’ve just been downright rude and lacking in the Southern hospitality we espouse and expect here.
Last weekend was perfect. We had wonderful spring weather, and for about a week prior to that, you teased us with the wonderful 60 to 70 degree temperatures that we love. Some of our peach trees bloomed and many of us felt like it was time to plant our gardens. Of course, if we’ve lived here longer than two years, we all know better than to do that in March.
But, you just couldn’t leave well enough alone, could you? No, it’s “in like a lion for you.” What temperatures did we have today and going into tomorrow? A freeze warning? Are you kidding me? Why on earth would you do that? It has already snowed at least three times since November. We have had our fill, and we’ve certainly had more “devil’s dandruff” than we are accustomed to. Most of us still haven’t forgiven you for that little tantrum you had back in 2014.
You have pushed us too far, and in typical Southern fashion, we are gonna ask you politely to please stop. We watched quietly all these years that you’ve decided to give us a couple of weeks of spring in early March or late February, only to smack us in the face with a nasty cold front from the pit of Massachusetts before April’s first shower.
We have sat idly by while year after year as you shortened our beautiful spring weather. Back 20 and 30 years ago, it seemed like we had an actual spring season. In the last ten years or so, you’ve given us spring weather, smacked us with your little cold snap and then immediately followed that with the hot and humid boiler room we’re used to seeing in July and August.
I’m calling shenanigans on the whole thing. Get it together, Weather. In the South, we pride ourselves on a gentle demeanor and good manners. We expect no less from our weather patterns. Please cease this madness and instability immediately.
This year, we would like a proper spring that ends in June followed by a hot July. With regard to Autumn, that season needs to actually start and last through October. We’d like an actual autumn this year, not a cold snap one weekend where the leaves just fall of the trees and then the sun scorches the barren land until December. This year, we’d like either fall temperatures or winter temperatures at Thanksgiving. We don’t want to be wearing shorts while we eat our turkey.
Also, whether you decide to start winter in November or December, please remember that we do not need anymore snow for at least another two years. We humbly ask that you keep the temperatures above 40 degrees for the duration of winter.
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.